departures

[ 2019.03.11 ]

i haven’t been thinking about it until i looked at the calendar and realized how close it’s getting. i didn’t want it to feel real just yet but reality catches up fast and ready to fucking slap you back in. when i think about not seeing my dad as easy as what we’re used to, i get nothing but a lump in my throat. i silently become an emotional mess.

lately he’s been taking old photos of when we were kids with my ipad, which he will be bringing with him in virginia. i don’t ask why, in case his reply makes me choke in my own damn tears. i just think maybe he wants to show them to my grandparents to which i know they will love. i’m 26 now but the amount of recollections i have with my grandparents can be counted by the number of my stubby fingers so yes, an abundance of photos is substantial. just a while ago he asked me how to turn a photo upside down in my ipad so i showed him how easy it was.

i don’t think much about the inevitable times we might need our superman’s help because i know we will, most especially since he’s been doing it with flying colors. i only fret upon the future times where he will need our help and we won’t be easily called. i don’t plan on letting selfishness reign. he is our father but he is also our grandparents’ son and the emphatic daughter in me feels that on a deeper level. i just think about their long overdue reunion and it gives me the kind of euphoria that makes all my typical fears seem somewhat tiny.

[ 2019.03.15 ]

tonight i helped him pack efficiently, his rejoice on the space we saved compared to how he packed it makes this all bittersweet. it’s the tiny things you know. as i roll every piece of clothing he decided to bring, i flutter my eyes to stop the tears.